Forevermore

A need to explore, to risk the unknown. Reckless yet hesitant of what might I find. Chatting my introduction to this new world Encouraged by others' daring, I push on. 'Chiliahedron has entered the room'. Within moments I see several 'Hi Chilia's'. Panic sets in. Oh my god. Why am i here? Stop. No weaseling out. I type 'Hello Room'. A few days later, a ping from you. Your words polite...sensitive...sincere. A freakish familiarity, minutes turning to hours. Hours to days. Our thoughts laid bare. My calm shattered. A claim staked. Your essence invades. No sleep for me. A business trip near you, I surprise myself Desire fuels my courage. I invite you to meet. Emotions conflicted, I preface my request With 'I want you to consider. Don't answer yet'. After 3 months, the time finally arrives Nervous, heartbeats pounding, we meet. We leaned in to kiss at precisely the same time Your technique different, sucking my lips. The months of teasing over, our passions erupt. A better world unfolds as our journey began. Traveling, days and nights together. Fantasies shared. Ever new ones emerging, we challenged and explored. More than a year passed. One of the best I'd known. You arrive at the airport. All is right with the world. After one night, you left our bed. Gone quite a while, your side turned cold. You came back, sat down and whispered 'You're going to hate me'. 'I never could' I said. You were unable to go on. The silence unbearable. My instincts kicked in. It suddenly hit me. I knew what was coming. Frantic, I blurted 'You're married. That's it, isn't it'? Six years with a woman, even if she's not your wife Was worth mentioning at some point during our time. Tears followed you here. Someone else was hurt too. Her heart shattered because of what we did. Do I comprehend your need for passion and life? Your fear of uncertainty? Yes I really do. Will I miss you, when, for over 400 days, You filtered your world? For every day of my life. You said 'I can tell you anything' but didn't. I wished I didn't understand why the half truths. Would I prefer reality, never having known you? Our intimate sharings? Ashamed, yet I do not. Will I weep for our loss? For moments now scarred? No judgment, Remember? Inconsolably, I do. Will I lay awake, with a thirst and hunger, Yearning for you? No ifs, ands or buts. Does my love survive the suffering, the solitude? This unending agony and pain? Forevermore